Birth Control

Whose responsibility is birth control? I have a controversial opinion on the subject in that I believe it is a woman’s ultimate responsibility to protect herself from pregnancy. Sure, a man should always use a condom in a situation to protect himself from an unplanned pregnancy and/or STD’S. However, I also believe that a man should be able to trust a woman when she says she is on birth control. We have been given a right to choose but men have not. If a woman decides she wants a child, she is free to get pregnant and the man is expected to financially support the child even though he was not part of the choice. How can a man turn his back on his child once it is borne? If he does, he is considered a dead beat dad but often it was not a good time for him financially and he was not prepared emotionally. As long as it is consensual sex, both parties should be in agreement as to whether a pregnancy is an option.

When I hear of celebrity women who get pregnant while in a relationship, I wonder if the man was part of the decision to have a child. The man is a public figure so not only does he not have a choice but to refuse to acknowledge the child becomes tabloid fodder.

I know women who decided they wanted a child and never discussed it with the man and because they were good responsible men, they stepped up though it put them in financial or emotional difficulty. There have been women from generation to generation who have used pregnancy as a “trap”. As Dr. Phil says: “The child is born with a job and that job is to be the glue that keeps the couple together”

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8 thoughts on “Birth Control

  1. I think men and women are responsible for using birth control methods. I agree that lying about it (wether the man or woman does it) is absolutely not done and shouldn’t have to be something you’ll have to take into account. Having a baby should be consensual and babies shouldn’t be born with “a job”.

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  2. So here’s my thinking: Potential parents owe it to their possible future children to have a conversation early in the (sexual) relationship and continue it throughout the course of their coupling. It takes both parties to talk about it, and both need to firmly establish their roles and responsibilities. They owe it to any kids they want (or don’t) to be honest with each other.

    When I was on birth control, I made it my responsibility to get prescribed–and to purchase–the pill. When I wanted to go off the pill (but still not get pregnant yet), my husband took the responsibility to purchase condoms. But for both of us, it was about open and honest communication the whole time. When we wanted to start trying to have a baby (and he was ready before I was!), we continually discussed it and tried to meet each other in the middle.

    Bottom line for me: If you can’t compromise and coordinate with someone, you shouldn’t be having sex with them. Period.

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    1. When I found out I had fibroids and the doctor told me my IUD was no longer effective due to my condition, I went in the pill even though I had no intention of having sex. I was going through a divorce at the time. I believed that even in the event that I got raped, I would be covered. When my sister told me she had sex but never intended to do it again, I took her to planned parenthood and got her on the pill. Why? Because if she did it once it was easier to do it again. Because my sister was more introverted, my mom told me she would hope that I would get my sister on the pill if necessary.

      I wasn’t one of those girls in high school who got pregnant because they could not admit even to themselves that they were at high risk for getting pregnant. I think my mother knew and was relieved when the doctor told her he was putting me on the pill to normalize my periods.

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      1. See, my mom was the opposite: When my doctor put me on the pill because I was having cramps so bad in high school that the pain would cause me to vomit, she made me feel so bad about it. She kept scolding me not to tell anyone I was on them, because it would make people think I was “easy.” In the meantime, I saw no reason to be ashamed of my body (though I was an introvert myself who only had sex when I thought I was legitimately “in love”).

        Because my mom was so appalled that I was on the pill in the first place, she never taught me how to use them right. I had heard, for instance, that the last week of the pill was just vitamins, so you didn’t have to take them. What I didn’t understand was that you still had to wait a week before starting the next pack!

        Needless to say, I went a few months without a period and panicking each month that I was pregnant! I wish my mother had been open and honest at communicating with me, and I’m going to encourage my husband, too, to talk to LJ as she grows up, because it’s no longer just a woman’s game (at least IMHO).

        If something should happen to me or if LJ feels more comfortable talking with her dad, I want her to have that option. The most important thing, though, is communication!

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      2. And my mother told me, “If you ever get raped, I hope you won’t report it because you will know that you deserved it.” I wonder what happened in her life that made her say such a thing. I certainly didn’t consider myself a whore though I was of the generation that broke through the Puritan wall. It was the freedom generation I suppose. It became acceptable for women to go into bars without a man. We broke out of strict dress codes. Sexual freedom became a thing even though it was outside my comfort zone. Yet I participated for emotional and need for acceptance purposes just like I hated alcohol but drank in order to fit in. These are the reasons I try to understand why people do what they do. I consider it as having lived life on life’s terms. It was complicated. Think of where LGBT persons would be if my generation had not broke through the barrier. Our mothers were just trying to cover up their feelings and/ or experiences. I didn’t know any other way than to be open with my mother and she was the same.

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