P3

Our grandson, P3, is visiting for about a month and we are so enjoying his visit. He is five and so handsome and entertaining. We have been anxious for our grandchildren to experience all that is Colorado but with school and cost etc. it wasn’t happenin’. His dad drove him up here for a ski trip and we are convenient lodging. Danny, P3 and his dad went downhill skiing for a dad and pop pop day. He looked so cute in his ski bib, jacket and one of my hats. He wanted to stay home with NeNe but there was no way we were going to let him miss a ski adventure. He told his dad and pop pop that he was not going to ski. His pop pop said, “I’m going to ski.” to which he responded, “I’m going to ski too.”

His father went on a side trip to Denver and most likely will head back to Texas from there. We are making a trip to Texas at the end of March so we will have our little man until then. He is in Montessori School so we are amazed at the words and knowledge that he spouts. But he has always been an intelligent kid, after all his dad is an Anesthesiologist and his grandfather is a brilliant Pharmacist so he obviously inherited the genes.

When we talked to him on the phone, he kept asking if we built him a snowman and, of course, we fibbed and said, “Yes.” and told him it was in the freezer. Danny and I kept reminding each other that we needed to build a snowman before P3 got here but since we had no idea how to go about it, we never did. When he got here, we told him the snowman melted so he needed to build another one. Yesterday I reminded him that he needed to build a snowman and he asked if we had done the “L” word to him about our having built him one. Danny said to me in an aside, “Why did you bring it up?” I just shrugged my shoulders because I have learned that the best way out of lie is to tell the truth. So I told P3 that we really hadn’t built him a snowman, that we were just “joking” and that I was sorry that we had lied. That answer was a “Catch 22” for him because he is always telling fibs and when he is confronted says, “I was just joking.”

He sometimes gets his emotions confused apparently because when his pop pop was teasing him about not getting a toy, he kept saying, “Pop pop you embarrassed me.” Poor Danny Darlin’ didn’t know what to make of that.” but I got it. I corrected P3 by explaining the difference between “angry” and “embarrassed”. Of course, he spent the rest of our day trip telling his pop pop that he is angry with him. DD should be used to it though, he has nine grandchildren. It doesn’t help that P3 keeps telling his dad and his pop pop that he loves me more than them. Makes me feel good though cause he is the only one that favors me over their pop pop.

I got the privilege of taking him to buy a toy, one of my favorite things to do. We spent quite some time on the Leggo aisle. I kept pointing out this one and that one and he would reject them. Finally, I showed him a Star Wars kit that he liked but he would not give me credit. He and his pop  pop put it together last night and he continued to play with it by himself at the table even after we left the room. This morning he informed me that Hans Solo is dead. On an up note, he gave me credit for picking it out with one hand and then added that he actually saw it first. Whatever…

We don’t have kid channels on satellite TV and He keeps telling us that we have to go to the toy store because we have no toys. We had so many toys before we left Texas and what their parents didn’t want, we gave away. So he’s right but the good thing is that he’s not so focused on toys and television that we don’t get to enjoy introducing him to Colorado and spending quality time.

P3 is well mannered, loving, funny, intelligent and mischievous. Works for me!

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Yuck!

I was reading one of my favorite blogs – The Speckled Bean@Wordpress where Ally Bean delighted us with her post about biting into a piece of toast expecting orange marmalade only to find it is actually apricot preserves. I can identify as most of us can. It doesn’t matter whether we actually like Apricot preserves – darn it – we were expecting orange marmalade.47256738-orange-marmalade67234074-side-view-of-sugar-free-apricot-preserves-in-a-small-glass-bowl-atop-a-wood-table
The post brought back some shuddering reminders of OMG moments so I thought I would share a few:

When I was about 10, we were visiting in a family friend’s country home. As was the s-l225custom in the south, the ladies were in the kitchen preparing the meal and visiting so I was hanging around there too. I poured myself a glass of iced tea and took a mouthful. Upon discovering that it was actually apple cider vinegar, I spit it out on the floor. My mother was not only angry but totally embarrassed. She had no sympathy for my plight. You see, in the south, county folk would buy vinegar in gallon jars for pickling. When the jar was empty, they would use it to hold beverages such as punch or tea. I can still taste it.

Upon arrival at Garner State Park in Texas, my aunt and my mother decided that the kids should drink the milk before it spoiled. Okay. So 33405931-child-with-painful-expression-after-drinking-milkfirst of all, I didn’t and don’t drink white milk but I was going to be a good sport because the weather was extremely hot. I was the first to take a big mouthful and found that it was too late, the milk had already spoiled. Yep, I spit it out but at least it was outside so I didn’t get reprimanded.

61128949-vector-logo-big-jar-mayonnaise-conserved-container-with-white-pale-mayo-with-blue-cap-and-label-glasMayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise and I don’t care what you label it – Miracle Whip, mayonnaise, salad dressing – I will not eat it. It looks nasty, smells nasty and taste nasty. When I was young, I pretended to be allergic to it. It was kinda tough to explain when someone asked what in the mayo was I allergic to. Oil? Eggs? Lemon juice? My sister also hates mayonnaise as do her two daughters. I didn’t serve it to my grandkids so PBJ it was. I don’t cook with it and only make sandwiches or potato salad for others with it when forced  It is such an issue that when deviled eggs are served at family get-togethers, my ex-wife-in-law or my daughter make mine with mustard. I recently found out that Danny’s brother-in-law feels the same way about mayo so he has begun sharing my deviled eggs.

My mother used to make a yummy rich chocolate cake with mayo as an ingredient (made it super moist). The cake was a favorite for me and my sister. Once when mom was making the cake, we took a spoonful of the batter thinking we would no more taste the mayo in the batter than in the cake. Wrong again.

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As an adult, I have had occasion to put a food in my mouth not knowing that it contained mayo. Once I taste the mayo in it, I can’t spit it out in company so I have to smile and try to get through it. I usually swallow it as fast as possible and follow it with a chaser. However, I have been known to slip out of sight and spit it into a napkin for disposal. When family and friends want to punish me, they will say something like “a spoonful of mayonnaise” just to watch me shudder. I’m shuddering just thinking about it. Brussel sprouts, spinach, liver – bring it on but never, never mayonnaise.

 

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20 Years Later

Have you ever looked at the ways that you and your spouse complement each other, how you  are alike, and how you differ?

Danny and I complement each other in these ways:

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  • I like the soft fluffy french fries, he like the crispy, skinny ones.
  • I like the middle slices of bread, he likes the heel.
  • I like to feed the fish, he likes to feed the cats.
  • I like to pull weeds and he likes to cut the grass.
  • I like to decide where the pictures will go on the wall, he likes to hang them.
  • He likes to clean the garage and I like to clean the house.

 

We have these things in common:

 

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  • We are both people persons.
  • Neither of us ever met a stranger.
  • We both like spicy foods.
  • We have very similar tastes in decor.
  • We both love left-overs.
  • We both love nature.
  • We both love cats and fish.
  • We both love Subaru’s.
  • We both enjoy off-road adventures.
  • We both like to eat out at the same restaurants.
  • Our family backgrounds are similar.
  • We are both family oriented.
  • We both like psychological thrillers.
  • We have the same spiritual beliefs.
  • Our family backgrounds are similar.

 

We have these differences:

 

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  • He is the glass half-full and I am the glass half-empty.
  • He is oblivious to his aches and pains and I am sensitive to mine.
  • He keeps his own counsel and I verbalize everything.
  • He is the dreamer and I am the realist.
  • He researches everything and I fly by the seat of my pants.
  • He is task oriented and I get side tracked.
  • I am impulsive and he is methodical.
  • If I think something, I voice it. He thinks about something before he voices it.
  • I stick, he runs.
  • What’s his is yours, what’s mine is mine.
  • He is athletic, I am not.

 

The thing is…

We have had scary moments.

 

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We have had ecstatic moments.

 

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We have had angry moments.

 

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We have had peaceful moments.

 

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We have been on the same page.

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We have been in different books.

 

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But after 20 years, we are still two halves of a whole.

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Spring/Summer Christmas

We started a tradition several years ago with my side of the family. Because we were all so busy trying to do all and be all at Christmas time making it difficult to get everyone together, we get together in the spring or summer to celebrate Christmas.

The decor is Christmas themed and we have the Dirty Santa gift exchange for the adults where everyone brings a gift. The gifts are chosen by each person according to the number they pulled. The next person can either chose another gift or steal a previously chosen gift. You get the idea. Kids drew names unless they wanted to be a part of the adult gift exchange.

I got brave one year and we set up a swimming pool for the littlest ones and provided water guns and balloons for the older kids. We had a big back yard so they had a blast. It gave the adults a chance to visit and the kids were entertained.

I highly recommend this idea. There is no conflict with other family gatherings, no rush and no pressure. Meals are usually “bring a dish” to share with the host/hostess providing the main course which can be anywhere from sandwich fixings and condiments to a turkey.

This idea was borne out of frustration in trying to get everyone together and sadness that it might not even or did not happen. We had it at someone’s home that was central to the family. My sister’s in-laws have had it at a local motel on New Year’s Eve. We try to take turns having it at alternate homes but sometimes life happens.

This year, our daughter has offered to have Summer Christmas at her house in Texas since we are in Colorado and getting everyone here from Texas would be a problem. I am so grateful to her for volunteering. She is taking on a lot because she is having Danny’s family for a reunion the week before. I will be looking forward to spending a week in Texas since our last visit for a wedding was so busy and rushed.

So, no need to sacrifice having Christmas with your family due to timing, just send out a “save the date” card and have a Merry Christmas.

 

“She Adopts Babies Who Are Left to Die Alone”

I recently read an article in Reader’s Digest about a woman, Cori Salchert of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, who has adopted two babies who little to no chance of living. Cori was a registered nurse and perinatal bereavement specialist who helped families cope with the loss of a pregnancy or newborn child. When the parents were not emotionally equipped to hold their child, Cori cradle the child in her arms so that they did not have to die alone. About five years ago, Cori was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease that rendered her unable to work. However, she was able to connect with Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin’s treatment foster-care program and foster hospice infants.

The first baby was two weeks old and nameless with no one to care for her. She was born without the right or left hemisphere of her brain and doctors said there was no hope for her. She was in a vegetative state  – unable to see or hear and only responding to painful stimuli. If left with the hospital, she would have died wrapped in a blanket and set aside since she was being sustained by a feeding pump. The hospital contacted Cori and asked if she would take the baby in.

The baby girl was given the name Emmalynn and was gifted with a full life for the 50 days she lived. Cori and her family gave Emmalynn the honor of becoming the youngest of nine children. She was held constantly and taken everywhere the family went.

When the night came that Cori knew Emmalynn was dying, the whole family held and kissed her. Cori’s husband “tucked her close with her little head tucked under his chin and sang to her”. As most of the family “drifted off” to bed, Cori and her daughter, Charity, stayed awake with her.

Emmalynn died snuggled against Cori’s furry warm bathrobe as Cori sang Jesus Loves Me.

Two years later, Cori and her family took in four-month-old Charlie. Typically a child with his type of brain damage dies by age two. His condition is not considered terminal but is “life limiting”. Charlie is on life support and has been resuscitated at least ten times in the past year. He will not be resuscitated should he code again. This time, he will be let go. Cori and her family give Charlie the best quality of life possible given his limitations.

Giving these children love and affection even though they cannot give back is considered a gift by Cori and her family. The family gives deeply of themselves, loving and cherishing these babies and grieving their loss. Cori compares her families’ hearts to stained-glass windows made of broken glass that has been forged back together. Though their hearts are broken, they are even stronger and more beautiful for having been broken.

by Leah Ultatowski – Reader’s Digest November 2016

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Taking the Time to Consider

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I recently read about a 15 year old girl who had a premature baby in her bedroom. The baby was born alive, weighed 2+ pounds and the girl threw the baby out the window. The baby died.

I find myself trying to assess blame. Do I blame the 15 year old girl for being heartless and not taking responsibility for having gotten pregnant? Do I blame the father of the baby for getting a 15 year old girl pregnant? Or, do I blame the parents of the 15 year old girl who had not built a relationship with their daughter based on trust. A relationship that would enable her to turn to them  when she is in trouble. A foundation that would ensure that their daughter would know that though her parents would be disappointed and upset, they would get her through any situation.

The truth is that I don’t know the intimate details of the story or even the parents side. The reporter wasn’t interested in writing about the human side of the story or may have been prevented by the girl’s age. Was the girl molested by an adult, was the father an older boy, were the parents aware that she was pregnant, had plans been made for finding another home for the child, did her parents plan to raise the baby? The publication only seemed to care about the shock factor and I rushed to judgement based on the little information presented. It is good that I waited a couple of days to write this so that I have had time to ask myself the hard questions. Who am I to judge, where is my compassion, what were the circumstances and the really hard one – what made me read the article?

I wish I could tell you that I won’t read such articles in the future but that would not be the truth. I know myself well enough that there is no doubt that I will continue to read articles pertaining to child abuse, neglect and murder. I must admit that the shock value attracts  me as it gives me a thrill and a target for my outrage and anger. But there’s something else it gives me and that is insight and compassion. I come into contact with young girls who desperately need someone to talk to and they are very much afraid. The reasons they are afraid vary but they don’t feel that they can talk to their parents. These girls need encouragement and reassurance that they can get through any situation. Talking with these girls builds compassion and dampens the rage and anger because I can do something to help.

I write a lot about my mother and how her alcoholism affected my life. What may not get across is how very much I appreciate her as a mother. I did not have to hide anything and could always turn to her. Did I know she would be angry and/or disappointed? Yes, but that did not stop me because in the end, I knew that I did not have to go through anything alone. My mother is all about unconditional love and understanding. My parents allowed me to make important decisions about my life even though they did not always agree. They taught me independence and self reliance. My mother worries about me because I am the middle child who expresses her deepest emotions and she sees that as a weakness. She is only late in life coming to understand that emotions are healthier when they don’t have to be hidden. She doesn’t have to worry about me because thanks to her and my dad, my core is solid, emotional but solid.

Hotline List

Hotline List

Resources when and where you need them.

We’ve Got Friends Who Can Help

Worried about a friend? Dealing with some issues of your own? There are trained people who can help.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 or your local police station.

General Crisis Support by Text

Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741 (24/7). Our trained counselors can discuss anything that’s on your mind. Free, 24/7, confidential.

Other Hotlines

Depression & Suicide
The Trevor Project Call 866-488-7386 (24/7) Live Chat with the Trevor Project (Fridays 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM EST)

Dating Abuse & Domestic Violence
loveisrespect Call 1-866-331-9474 (24/7)
Chat Online with loveisrespect (7 days/week, 5:00 PM to 3:00 AM EST) or text loveis to 22522

National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 1-800-799-7233 (24/7) Email the National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7)
RAINN: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network Call 1-800-656-4673 (24/7) Live Chat with RAINN (24/7)

Child Abuse
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline Call 1-800-422-4453 (24/7)
National Safe Place Text SAFE and your current location to the number 69866 (24/7)

Runaways, Homeless, and At-Risk Youth
National Runaway Safeline Call 1-800-786-2929 (24/7) Live Chat 7 days/week, 4:30 to 11:30 PM CST
Home Free Family reunification program provides free bus tickets to eligible runaway and homeless youth.

Crisis Text Line (CTL)

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If you are interested in doing volunteer work that you can do from home, here is an idea for you:

While working as a Crisis Telephone Counselor for Crisis Hotline (CHL), we assisted CTL when we could so I am familiar with this organization. Now that I am no longer employed or volunteer with CHL due to having relocated, I have entered the volunteer program at CTL. Though I have been through a version of their training as a continuing education requirement and having been through CHL’s training, I am finding the CTL volunteer training to be very beneficial. This is a rewarding endeavor and for those who like doing things for others anonymously, this is your ticket. All training and working on the texting platform is done from your computer at home. You set your own schedule and the text line is open 24/7 so working it into your personal schedule isn’t difficult.

If you are nervous about crisis support, let me reassure you that you will be well-trained and their training includes live observations. Also, you will have all the tools you need right in front of you. All texts are monitored by a supervisor who is always available if you get stuck or need assistance. Though it is a mandatory reporting agency for imminent risk of suicide or homicide as well as child abuse, the reporting is actually done by the supervisor, however, these instances do not occur often. The way I look at it is “It’s just a conversation.” There is no script but you will learn active listening and productive conversation.

Rather than quote all the information regarding CTL, I am posting their FAQ sheet. You can also go to crisistextline.org

Text START to 741-741

FAQ

Jump to

Texting in
Data
Donate
Financials
Partnerships
Tech Issues
Media
Volunteers
Our Approach

TEXTING IN

Q: HOW DOES CRISIS TEXT LINE WORK?

A:

  1. You text 741741 when in crisis. Available 24/7 in the USA.
  2. A live, trained crisis counselor receives the text and responds quickly.
  3. The crisis counselor helps you move from a hot moment to a cool calm to stay safe and healthy using effective active listening and suggested referrals – all through text message using Crisis Text Line’s secure platform.

Q: WHO SHOULD TEXT IN?

A: We exist to help anyone in crisis at any time.

Q: WHO ANSWERS THE TEXT MESSAGES?

A: Crisis Text Line crisis counselors are both rigorously trained volunteers and employees of our crisis center partners.

Q: WHAT CAN I EXPECT WHEN I TEXT IN?

A: You’ll receive an automated text asking you what your crisis is. Within minutes, a live trained crisis counselor will answer your text. They will help you out of your moment of crisis and work with you to create a plan to continue to feel better.

Q: IS CRISIS TEXT LINE ACTUALLY ANONYMOUS?

A: Yes. Crisis counselors only know what texters share with them, and that information stays confidential. We take your anonymity seriously. Check out our terms of service here.

Q: HOW MUCH DOES CRISIS TEXT LINE COST?

A: We do not charge texters. If your cell phone plan is with AT&T, T-Mobile, Sprint, or Verizon, texts to our short code, 741741 are free of charge. If you have a plan with a different carrier, standard text message rates apply.

Q: WILL CRISIS TEXT LINE SHOW UP ON MY CELL PHONE BILL?

A: Nothing will appear on your bill if your cell phone plan is with AT&T, T-Mobile, Sprint, or Verizon. If your plan is with another carrier our short code, 741741 will appear on your billing statement. Read about how this happened here.

Q: WILL CRISIS TEXT LINE WORK WITH MY PHONE?

A: Crisis Text Line works on all major US carriers, and most minor regional carriers. However, shortcodes (like 741741) are not allowed on many prepaid plans like T-Mobile’s.

Q: I HAD A GREAT EXPERIENCE WHEN I TEXTED IN, CAN I TEXT IN AGAIN?

A: You can text in again, if you are experiencing a crisis. However, you should not feel dependent on us. Crisis Text Line is not a replacement for long-term counseling, in-person therapy, or a friend.

Q: HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT TO TEXT WITH A CRISIS COUNSELOR?

A: Our goal is to respond to every texter in under 5 minutes. During high volume times, such as at night or when people are talking about us on social media, wait times may be longer.

Q: IS THERE A CHARACTER LIMIT WHEN TEXTING CRISIS TEXT LINE?

A: Yes, our system is only able to process 140 characters in one message.

Q: WHY AM I RECEIVING AN ERROR MESSAGE OR NO RESPONSE AT ALL?

Sadly, there are some carriers who have not adopted the use of shortcodes–and the small percentage of people with these phones, can’t use Crisis Text Line. (We hear that sometimes you get an auto-error response. Sometimes nothing at all. We know this is shitty and we wish those carriers would enable us). If your phone carrier doesn’t enable shortcodes, here is a list of hotlines you can call.

Q: IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO REACH CRISIS TEXT LINE BESIDES TEXT?

A: Yes, you can reach us through Facebook Messenger. Access to message Crisis Text Line is located through Facebook’s Safety checkpoint. This is accessible by flagging a user’s post.

Q: IF I REACH OUT VIA FACEBOOK MESSENGER, DOES ANONYMITY APPLY?

A: Yes. We do not have access to your Facebook profile. The only know information about you that we’ll know is what you share with us.

Q: IF I REACH OUT VIA FACEBOOK MESSENGER, WHO HAS ACCESS TO THE DATA?

A: Three parties: you (in your Messenger thread), Crisis Text Line, and Facebook.

Q: IF I REACH OUT VIA FACEBOOK MESSENGER AND I WANT MY DATA DELETED, WHAT DO I DO?

A: Message us back with the word ‘LOOFAH’. We’ll scrub your data from our system, and make a request to Facebook to do the same.

Q: IF I REACH OUT VIA FACEBOOK MESSENGER, WHICH TERMS OF SERVICE APPLY TO ME?

A: By contacting Crisis Text Line through Facebook Messenger, users agree to Facebook Messenger’s Terms of Service, as well as Crisis Text Line’s Terms of Service.

Q: WHAT ARE ALL OF THE CRISIS ISSUES YOU TRACK? CAN YOU ADD MORE?

A: See the issues we track at www.crisistrends.org. If you’re a researcher or practitioner with interest in another issue, submit your suggestion in the form at the bottom of www.crisistrends.org.

Q: WHO CAN APPLY FOR ACCESS TO CRISIS TEXT LINE’S DATA?

A: Data access is available to approved academic researchers. The application will be available here in late January 2016. Otherwise, please visit www.crisistrends.org to see the latest trends in how texters are experiencing crisis.

DONATE

Q: HOW CAN I DONATE TO CRISIS TEXT LINE?

A: You can donate via Paypal (link here) or by sending a check to:
Crisis Text Line
Attn: Finance Dept.
24 West 25th Street, 6th Fl
New York, NY 10010

Q: IS MY DONATION TO CRISIS TEXT LINE TAX DEDUCTIBLE?

A: Yes! Upon receiving your donation, we’ll send you a thank you letter that clarifies your donation is tax deductible.

FINANCIALS

Q: IS CRISIS TEXT LINE REALLY A NOT FOR PROFIT?

A: Yes, we are! Here are our latest financials as proof.

Q: HOW IS CRISIS TEXT LINE FUNDED?

A: We’re privately funded. This means we receive funding from foundations, individuals, and corporations.

Q: WHERE CAN I FIND CRISIS TEXT LINE’S FORM 990?

A: 2014 here and 2015 here.

Q: I SAW YOU RAISED A BUNCH OF MONEY (WOOHOO!) FOR THE ORG. WHERE IS IT ALL GOING?

A: We are focused on three main initiatives: (1) supporting our Crisis Counselor community with better products and more emotional support, (2) integrating with tech companies to provide support to users inside things like After School, Kik, YouTube, and Facebook Messenger, (3) white labeling our service for other orgs and locations– providing a free text service for the National Eating Disorder Association and cities like Newark and Atlanta.

PARTNERSHIPS

Q: WHO CAN PARTNER WITH CRISIS TEXT LINE?

A: We partner with not-for-profits, colleges and universities, and corporations. Want to partner? Fill out this form!

TECH ISSUES

Having technical issues with the site or text line? Check out our Help Center.

MEDIA

Q: CAN I GET MARKETING MATERIALS WITH THE CRISIS TEXT LINE SHORT CODE TO SHARE WITH MY COMMUNITY?

A: Absolutely. Download our Volunteer Flyer or Text Flyer.

Q: WHOM I CONTACT FOR A PRESS INQUIRY?

A: Email support@crisistextline.org

VOLUNTEERS

Q: HOW CAN I BECOME A VOLUNTEER?

A: We are always accepting applications! Apply Here.

Q: WHAT ARE THE REQUIREMENTS FOR BECOMING A VOLUNTEER?

A: To become a Crisis Counselor, you must:

  1. Pass a background check – that means no felonies and no violent or sex-offense misdemeanors
  2. Have a US Social Security number (in order to complete the background check)
  3. Be at least 18 years old
  4. Have access to a computer with a secure, reliable internet connection
  5. Commit to volunteering 4 hours a week for 1 year

Q: WHAT’S THE TIME COMMITMENT OF VOLUNTEERS?

A: We ask our volunteers to commit to volunteering 4 hours a week for 1 year. Volunteers are able to break up their commitment into two 2-hour shifts each week if they would like.

Q: HOW ARE VOLUNTEERS TRAINED?

A: After a rigorous application process, our volunteers complete a 34 hour training course over 6 weeks. This includes ongoing simulated conversations and personalized feedback from our experienced trainers as well as 8 hours of on-platform observation. Training content is based on best practices in crisis counseling and Crisis Text Line data.

Q: WHEN IS YOUR NEXT CRISIS COUNSELOR TRAINING?

A: We accept applications on a rolling basis. A new training cohort starts every two weeks, so apply whenever you want! We’re excited to meet you!

Q: WHAT’S IT LIKE BEING A CRISIS COUNSELOR VOLUNTEER?

A: Check out our blog to read stories from our volunteers.

Q: ARE VOLUNTEERS SUPERVISED?

A: Yes. Our experienced supervisors oversee and assist our volunteers, when necessary, while on the platform.

OUR APPROACH

Q: IS CRISIS TEXT LINE COUNSELING?

A: No, our specialists do not counsel, but rather practice active listening to help texters move from a hot moment to a cool calm.

Q: WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING?

A: Active listening is when someone communicates in a way that is empathetic, understanding, and respectful. It includes focus on the texter and thoughtful answers.

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CRISIS TEXT LINE AND THERAPY?

A: Crisis Text Line is not a replacement for therapy. Therapy includes a diagnosis made by a doctor, a treatment plan of action, and a patient/therapist relationship. Crisis Text Line helps people in moments of crisis. Our crisis counselors practice active listening to help our texters find calm and create an action plan for themselves to continue to feel better. Crisis Text Line’s crisis counselors are not therapists.

Q: WHO STARTED CRISIS TEXT LINE?

A: We were founded by our CEO, Nancy Lublin. After seeing a need for the service we provide, Nancy hired a team to build what is our current platform. The original team included a data scientist and an engineer. Hear our story here.

 

Didn’t find your answer? Check out our Help Center or email support@crisistextline.org.

Privacy Policies

Terms of Service

Privacy Policy

Website Privacy Policy

FAQs

Check out our FAQs

Help Make it Happen

Want to start a crisis text line in your country? international@crisistextline.org

We’re hiring:
Apply now

Press inquiry?

Email press@crisistextline.org
If you are in crisis, text START to 741-741.

Keep me posted

 

 

Marriage Myths Six

MYTH: YOU MAY REPEAT YOUR PARENTS’ RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS.

How you carry your childhood baggage is more important than the fact that you have any. “Nobody escapes childhood without some crazy buttons and triggers, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a great relationship,”John Gottman says.

Tom Bradbury, PhD, a psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, coined the phrase enduring vulnerabilities for these historical triggers. Certain words and actions might dig up old feelings and provoke a reaction. Make sure you and your partner understand what sets the other off, and avoid those weaknesses.

Circumstances from your past could also prompt what psychologists call projective identification- an example is taking something from your childhood and applying it to your partner. If you had a distant cold parent, for instance, you might assume  your partner is being distant and cold too. Instead of blaming your partner’s character, explain how the actions make you feel and what he or she can do to help you feel better.

I knew a man who was so eat up with his emotional baggage that he ran the gamut from tears to violence. He used braggadocio and alcohol to cover his feelings and built a very high wall believing he it would protect him from emotional pain. One never knew what would trigger his anger and/or violence. While I understood how his background played into his emotions and actions, there was nothing I could do to change it. While I was somewhat of a balm for his pain, he often saw me not as myself but as his mother.

When I met Danny, I was shocked to find that he was very much in touch with his emotions. He would let me know when I hurt his feelings rather than do the “macho” thing of acting like nothing bothered him. I fell so in love with this man! I felt safe with him because I didn’t have to guess about how he was feeling and there was no fear that I would unknowingly touch off a spark that would cause him to physically harm me.

Eventually, Danny grew tired of all the analyzing we did through counseling and discussions. That was when I began learning to lighten up in the realization that both of our lives had been so full of drama that it was stifling our relationship. We both still have things that can trigger a negative response but the truth is that we cannot judge each other with our individual pasts.

Enjoy life with your spouse! Don’t judge him/her based on your past, instead see them for the person you know them to be. Look for the good and give him/her a pass when they exhibit human behaviors. No one has a perfect marriage but we can come darn close.

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Marriage Myths One

Excerpts from WHAT A GENIUS  MARRIAGE REALLY LOOKS LIKE by Charlotte Andersen as published in Reader’s Digest. The article is based on research performed by John Gottman, PhD and his wife and research partner, Julie Gottman. I found the article to be informative and think you will too. I will be posting these in a series so keep an eye out.

MYTH:  MARRIAGE SHOULD BE FAIR.

Couples who engage in quid pro quo thinking – if i scratch your back, you should scratch mine – are usually in serious trouble. John Gottman says: “We become emotional accountants only when there’s something wrong with the relationship.” He also states that quid pro quo thinking  was found to be a characteristic of an ailing relationship rather than happy ones. “We’ve found in our research that the best marriages are the ones in which you are really invested in your partner’s interests, as opposed to your own. Julie Gottman says, “The happiest couples have a high level of trust, which lets them give without expecting anything in return because they know their partner has their back.

For the most part, Danny and I are good with this. Unfortunately, because we are together 24/7 we can bicker over who gives more when it comes to chores. We usually end up laughing or making jokes about it to lessen the tension. Trying to balance the scales will never work because life is never even. I believe it makes for a better person to just pitch in and get what needs to be done done. I feel really good when I do something unexpected for Danny and he shows his appreciation. A “thank you” goes a long way.

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