From My Mother Part Two

Before I left Texas, my mother gave me the gift of a calendar with these beautiful words to remind me of her love for me, I am now re-gifting them to you.

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A mother tries to teach her daughter

to not be afraid to stick to her beliefs

to not follow the majority when the majority is wrong

to carefully plan a life for herself

to vigorously follow her chosen path

to enter into a relationship with someone worthy of herself

to love this person unconditionally with her body and mind

to share all that she has learned in life with this person

If I have provided you with insight

into most of these things

then I have succeeded as a mother

in what I hoped to accomplish in raising you

if many of these things slipped by

while we were all so busy

I have a feeling that you know them anyway

One thing I am sure of, though

I have taught you to be proud of the fact

that you are a woman equal to all men and

I have loved you every second of your life

I have supported you at all times

and as a mother, as a person, and as a friend

I will always continue to cherish and love

everything about you

my beautiful daughter

Susan Polis Schutz

From My Mother Part One

Before I left Texas, my mother gave me the gift of a calendar with these beautiful words to remind me of her love for me, I am now re-gifting them to you.

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A mother tries to provide her daughter with insight

Into the important things in life

In order to make her life

as happy and fulfilling as possible

A mother tries to teach her daughter

to be good, always helpful to other people

to be fair, always treating others equally

to have a positive attitude at all times

to always make things right when they are wrong

to know herself well

to know what her talents are

to set goals for herself

to not be afraid of working too hard

to reach her goals

A mother tries to teach her daughter

to have many interest to pursue

to laugh and have fun every day

to appreciate the beauty of nature

to enter into friendships with good people

to honor their friendships and always be a true friend

to appreciate the importance of the family

and to particularly respect and love our elder members

to use her intelligence at all times

to listen to her emotions to adhere to her values…

Susan Polis Schutz

Continued Part Two

 

Unreasonable Fear

I grew up fearing African Americans and before you judge me as a racist, read my story.

When I was in Junior High School, schools became integrated. The African American students would stand in large groups blocking the sidewalk daring whites to try to get though them. I avoided the sidewalk. There was a small girl named Sharon who started making fun of me and I did my best to ignore her. I was not that outcast who gets bullied, I was fortunate to have many friends both male and female.

One day as I was walking to my friend’s house after school, a large group of African American students formed a circle around me. I was petrified because it was obvious that something was about to happen. Sharon moved to the center of the circle and started taunting me. She kept saying, “Push me!” over and over. I just stood still knowing that what usually happened in these situation was that if I made a move, the whole group would jump in and attack me. Another reason I wouldn’t make a move besides trying to avoid having my ass kicked was that I was appalled at girls or women fighting though I have to admit that I was a closet bully toward my sister. Luckily, one of the girls who was walking with us lived in the house in front of which I was confronted. Her mother came out and chased the group away. To be honest, I was petrified. I believe this happened because I was the only one small enough for Sharon to pick on.

Moving forward, where my friends and classmates might kid around with African American bully students, I wasn’t friendly or unfriendly toward them which was probably a downfall. In high school, a very large African American girl named Mary grabbed my windbreaker and ripped it off me which was not an easy feat. I said nothing. A small African American girl would tell me things like how she dreamed that my boyfriend’s car would get stuck on a railroad track and he would be killed. One night my best friend’s twin brother was beat with a baseball bat in the boy’s locker room after a baseball game by a group of African American students. I was friendly with some African American students but was still easily intimidated.

I had good experiences when I went into community college with fellow African American students so I started to get past my fear. Unfortunately, when I worked for a police department two African American co-workers claimed racial discrimination because I was transferred to the day watch and her friend was transferred to my previous watch in a move to separate the two friends in hopes of increasing productivity. Since I filled in a lot for people in key positions, it was considered a highly beneficial move by administration. I became stonewalled by the other clerical staff and when I asked someone why, they told me they could not go against these two girls and implied that they were afraid.

Because it was so painful to be ostracized, I requested to remain on my previous watch. The Sgt. was not happy because he told me that I was allowing myself to be bullied. The personnel manager and supervisory staff called a meeting of the clerical staff and a letter was read that one of the girls had written citing favoritism because I was white. They were upset because our administrative Sgt. used my work examples as the quality of work everyone should be putting out. In fairness, I had education and experience that was not the norm for the position. I took the job because it was something I always wanted to do. I never had to defend myself in this meeting because first of all the personnel manager offered to do some testing if they really wanted to know who was the best typist etc. Then one of my supervisors pointed out that I had been transferred from department to department continually and had never complained. There was no discrimination and it became clear in that meeting. After that meeting, things got back on a friendly basis because I didn’t hold a grudge. Shortly thereafter, one of the girls who caused the problem was fired for selling criminal records.

I worked a temp to perm job for a very difficult African American woman. She supervised six white Insurance Agents who had their own agency offices. She referred to them as “my white boys.” When I could no longer put up with her crude and rudeness, I quit though she begged me to stay. She made me uncomfortable by complimenting my looks in a creepy manner. An African American woman who had previously worked for her called me one day and wanted me to help her on her reverse discrimination suit. I declined. The agency had placed temp after temp in this woman’s office because no one would stay but I didn’t want the drama. I could have reported her for her racist remarks but I just wanted out.

These are prime examples of bullying yet I never recognized it as such until now. I saw it as being the target of anger for a past I had no part in. It is possible that these bullies were influenced by anger passed down from generation to generation and I did feel the fear that their forebears felt at being bullied by white slave lords. However, what purpose did any of it serve? It just repeated the same dance in reverse and did not solve anything for either side.

What I am learning today is that I cannot blame an entire race for the actions of some just as I am tired of being blamed for something I was not responsible for. We all just need to stop and do some deep reflection. We are allowing ourselves to be influenced by the hate groups and the support of their actions by the media putting it in our faces over and over again.

What if we just turned off our televisions in protest of being fed negativity hour after hour, day after day? What if  we stop looking at social media for a few days and depend on our own reflections? Its not like we haven’t seen enough to know what is out there. We are all being manipulated! Lets just stand up for ourselves and say, “Enough” at least for now and let things calm down.

PEACE AND LOVE

 

 

Birth Control

Whose responsibility is birth control? I have a controversial opinion on the subject in that I believe it is a woman’s ultimate responsibility to protect herself from pregnancy. Sure, a man should always use a condom in a situation to protect himself from an unplanned pregnancy and/or STD’S. However, I also believe that a man should be able to trust a woman when she says she is on birth control. We have been given a right to choose but men have not. If a woman decides she wants a child, she is free to get pregnant and the man is expected to financially support the child even though he was not part of the choice. How can a man turn his back on his child once it is borne? If he does, he is considered a dead beat dad but often it was not a good time for him financially and he was not prepared emotionally. As long as it is consensual sex, both parties should be in agreement as to whether a pregnancy is an option.

When I hear of celebrity women who get pregnant while in a relationship, I wonder if the man was part of the decision to have a child. The man is a public figure so not only does he not have a choice but to refuse to acknowledge the child becomes tabloid fodder.

I know women who decided they wanted a child and never discussed it with the man and because they were good responsible men, they stepped up though it put them in financial or emotional difficulty. There have been women from generation to generation who have used pregnancy as a “trap”. As Dr. Phil says: “The child is born with a job and that job is to be the glue that keeps the couple together”