P3

Our grandson, P3, is visiting for about a month and we are so enjoying his visit. He is five and so handsome and entertaining. We have been anxious for our grandchildren to experience all that is Colorado but with school and cost etc. it wasn’t happenin’. His dad drove him up here for a ski trip and we are convenient lodging. Danny, P3 and his dad went downhill skiing for a dad and pop pop day. He looked so cute in his ski bib, jacket and one of my hats. He wanted to stay home with NeNe but there was no way we were going to let him miss a ski adventure. He told his dad and pop pop that he was not going to ski. His pop pop said, “I’m going to ski.” to which he responded, “I’m going to ski too.”

His father went on a side trip to Denver and most likely will head back to Texas from there. We are making a trip to Texas at the end of March so we will have our little man until then. He is in Montessori School so we are amazed at the words and knowledge that he spouts. But he has always been an intelligent kid, after all his dad is an Anesthesiologist and his grandfather is a brilliant Pharmacist so he obviously inherited the genes.

When we talked to him on the phone, he kept asking if we built him a snowman and, of course, we fibbed and said, “Yes.” and told him it was in the freezer. Danny and I kept reminding each other that we needed to build a snowman before P3 got here but since we had no idea how to go about it, we never did. When he got here, we told him the snowman melted so he needed to build another one. Yesterday I reminded him that he needed to build a snowman and he asked if we had done the “L” word to him about our having built him one. Danny said to me in an aside, “Why did you bring it up?” I just shrugged my shoulders because I have learned that the best way out of lie is to tell the truth. So I told P3 that we really hadn’t built him a snowman, that we were just “joking” and that I was sorry that we had lied. That answer was a “Catch 22” for him because he is always telling fibs and when he is confronted says, “I was just joking.”

He sometimes gets his emotions confused apparently because when his pop pop was teasing him about not getting a toy, he kept saying, “Pop pop you embarrassed me.” Poor Danny Darlin’ didn’t know what to make of that.” but I got it. I corrected P3 by explaining the difference between “angry” and “embarrassed”. Of course, he spent the rest of our day trip telling his pop pop that he is angry with him. DD should be used to it though, he has nine grandchildren. It doesn’t help that P3 keeps telling his dad and his pop pop that he loves me more than them. Makes me feel good though cause he is the only one that favors me over their pop pop.

I got the privilege of taking him to buy a toy, one of my favorite things to do. We spent quite some time on the Leggo aisle. I kept pointing out this one and that one and he would reject them. Finally, I showed him a Star Wars kit that he liked but he would not give me credit. He and his pop  pop put it together last night and he continued to play with it by himself at the table even after we left the room. This morning he informed me that Hans Solo is dead. On an up note, he gave me credit for picking it out with one hand and then added that he actually saw it first. Whatever…

We don’t have kid channels on satellite TV and He keeps telling us that we have to go to the toy store because we have no toys. We had so many toys before we left Texas and what their parents didn’t want, we gave away. So he’s right but the good thing is that he’s not so focused on toys and television that we don’t get to enjoy introducing him to Colorado and spending quality time.

P3 is well mannered, loving, funny, intelligent and mischievous. Works for me!

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Yuck!

I was reading one of my favorite blogs – The Speckled Bean@Wordpress where Ally Bean delighted us with her post about biting into a piece of toast expecting orange marmalade only to find it is actually apricot preserves. I can identify as most of us can. It doesn’t matter whether we actually like Apricot preserves – darn it – we were expecting orange marmalade.47256738-orange-marmalade67234074-side-view-of-sugar-free-apricot-preserves-in-a-small-glass-bowl-atop-a-wood-table
The post brought back some shuddering reminders of OMG moments so I thought I would share a few:

When I was about 10, we were visiting in a family friend’s country home. As was the s-l225custom in the south, the ladies were in the kitchen preparing the meal and visiting so I was hanging around there too. I poured myself a glass of iced tea and took a mouthful. Upon discovering that it was actually apple cider vinegar, I spit it out on the floor. My mother was not only angry but totally embarrassed. She had no sympathy for my plight. You see, in the south, county folk would buy vinegar in gallon jars for pickling. When the jar was empty, they would use it to hold beverages such as punch or tea. I can still taste it.

Upon arrival at Garner State Park in Texas, my aunt and my mother decided that the kids should drink the milk before it spoiled. Okay. So 33405931-child-with-painful-expression-after-drinking-milkfirst of all, I didn’t and don’t drink white milk but I was going to be a good sport because the weather was extremely hot. I was the first to take a big mouthful and found that it was too late, the milk had already spoiled. Yep, I spit it out but at least it was outside so I didn’t get reprimanded.

61128949-vector-logo-big-jar-mayonnaise-conserved-container-with-white-pale-mayo-with-blue-cap-and-label-glasMayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise and I don’t care what you label it – Miracle Whip, mayonnaise, salad dressing – I will not eat it. It looks nasty, smells nasty and taste nasty. When I was young, I pretended to be allergic to it. It was kinda tough to explain when someone asked what in the mayo was I allergic to. Oil? Eggs? Lemon juice? My sister also hates mayonnaise as do her two daughters. I didn’t serve it to my grandkids so PBJ it was. I don’t cook with it and only make sandwiches or potato salad for others with it when forced  It is such an issue that when deviled eggs are served at family get-togethers, my ex-wife-in-law or my daughter make mine with mustard. I recently found out that Danny’s brother-in-law feels the same way about mayo so he has begun sharing my deviled eggs.

My mother used to make a yummy rich chocolate cake with mayo as an ingredient (made it super moist). The cake was a favorite for me and my sister. Once when mom was making the cake, we took a spoonful of the batter thinking we would no more taste the mayo in the batter than in the cake. Wrong again.

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As an adult, I have had occasion to put a food in my mouth not knowing that it contained mayo. Once I taste the mayo in it, I can’t spit it out in company so I have to smile and try to get through it. I usually swallow it as fast as possible and follow it with a chaser. However, I have been known to slip out of sight and spit it into a napkin for disposal. When family and friends want to punish me, they will say something like “a spoonful of mayonnaise” just to watch me shudder. I’m shuddering just thinking about it. Brussel sprouts, spinach, liver – bring it on but never, never mayonnaise.

 

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All in a Day’s Work

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Was I Abducted by Aliens? (Part Two)

Danny listed the issues that intrigued him, such as blanks in my memory, odd feelings touched off by things I have never seen before, recurring dream, recurring sounds that visit me as I am dropping off to sleep or waking up, problems with focus, and last but not least a scar on my lower back that is totally foreign to me. When Danny mentioned the scar, he said he had always wondered about it especially since I seem to be unaware of it or how it came to be there. I told him it was more than likely a chicken pox scar on my tail bone from when I was a baby. Another thing that struck Danny often is that I will not look down when I am walking in the dark. I have a fear that I am going to see something that is going to shock or frighten me. That is very real and even I wonder about it because there is a vague feeling that I have experienced something that put that fear in me.

About the scar, people who are believed to have been abducted by aliens have a scar somewhere on their body. Often there will be a piece of metal like some type of conductor embedded under the skin. I kept rolling my eyes as Danny was telling me about this scar. He took a picture with his phone and showed it to me. I have to admit, I am a bit freaked because I have never had an injury or surgery in that location. The scar is about 2 inches vertical and about 1/4 to 1/2 inch wide. I promise you I have no idea how it got there but Danny swears that it has been there as long as he has known me. Everything else I can explain away due to my having blocked out instances of molestation but the scar….

Do I have a fear or am I obsessed by the idea that I was abducted by aliens? Oddly no, I have just taken the whole thing in stride. I can’t totally dismiss the theory but I have lived through a lot of tough situations so I have just added it to the pile.😉

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!

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Was I Abducted by Aliens? (Part one)

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I wish I was joking but you know how someone will present you with an outrageous theory and you can’t totally dismiss it? That happened to me and like often happens, there is just enough evidence to make it possible.

Like ghosts, I don’t believe in aliens nor do I disbelieve. I just don’t worry my pretty little head about them. One night, Danny and I were watching a documentary called “Ancient Aliens” that talked about the historical artifacts discovered suggesting that aliens have possibly existed since the beginning of time. The program graduated to more current times and offered the criteria that aliens seem to use when they abduct earthlings. Most people who are believed to have been abducted had green or hazel eyes and RH Negative blood type. Now don’t ask me why that seems to be their preference but that is what statistics show. They do not remember the abduction but have a sense that something happened to them.

When I heard green eyes, I laughed and cracked a joke because my eyes are obviously green. Danny looked at me and asked what blood type I have. Honestly, I have no idea never having needed such knowledge. I laughed nervously as it dawned on me that he was serious. This is not the first time Danny has suggested that I was possibly an abductee, no joke. A semi-serious discussion ensued and he pointed out that there is a lot of evidence that can be attributed to me from what he has read. I should tell you here that he is a brilliant scientist who rarely discounts any scientific theories until he has done a lot of research.

 

Let There Be Laughter

Repost

Laughter is the best medicine so here is a dose:

images.duckduckgo.comWhen I was 15, I had a friend and neighbor whose father was a merchant marine and a mother who wasn’t much of one. He came over to my house one day with gauze taped to his forehead. Now many of you won’t know this but sanitary pads used to have a blue string line on one side to tell you which side should go down. He told me that he had a pimple or some such thing that bled so he bandaged it up. As he talked, I focused on the “gauze” and there was a blue line on it. Yep, he had cut the end off a sanitary napkin to use for a bandage never realizing that it would be recognizable.

15427431-naughty-playful-puppy-dog-after-biting-a-pillow-tired-of-hard-work.jpgAt the same period in time (no pun intended), we had a little fox terrier dog. He had this annoying habit of digging used sanitary napkins out of the bathroom trash and tearing them up. He would also drag underwear from the dirty clothes. Once when I had a boyfriend over and we were visiting in the living room, I could see that the dog had shredded a sanitary napkin under the love seat to the side of where we were sitting. I was appalled and didn’t know what to do so I just sat there mortified, hoping that he would not see the mess. If he did, he was too polite to say anything. I was so glad when he left so I could clean it up. That same dog drug my mom’s underwear out into the front yard. Heaven only knows how many people saw them before they were discovered.

popart-comic-retro-woman-talking-phone-vector-illustration-36967984When I was a baby, my dad was an industrial painter and worked out of town most of the time. My mom would sometimes travel with him and my brother and I would usually stay with family or friends. My parents devised a method of checking to make sure things were o.k. so they wouldn’t have to pay long distance charges (way before cell phones). My parents would call person to person which meant that if the person you were calling for was not available, you weren’t charged for the call. They would ask for me and if everything was o.k., the person answering would say I wasn’t there and if there was a problem, would take the call. This method was also used to let family or friends know that my parents had arrived safely. One time when my parents called person to person and asked for me, my aunt who was either in la la land or forgot how the plan worked, responded “Why honey, she can’t talk, she’s just a baby!” Busted.

 

When I was 6 and my brother was 7ish, we were walking home from school 925734-duckling-in-front-of-a-white-backgroundtogether and he said to me, “Don’t worry ugly little girls grow up to be pretty big girls.” Was I supposed to find that comforting when I didn’t even know I was ugly until he told me so?  Awkward.

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Another time, my brother and I were walking home from elementary school and a car stopped and asked if we wanted a ride. My brother said we did but I reminded him that we were not supposed to get into a car with strangers. I wouldn’t even look at the car and kept walking. My brother said, “Patty, its Aunt Lorene and Uncle Pete.” I don’t think I got into the car even then. You just think your kids don’t listen to you.

9052883-a-shopping-cart-full-of-fresh-colorful-products-illustrationMy father’s mother belonged to the Church of Christ and his side of the family did not drink. As kids, we always dreaded my grandmother’s phone calls because we knew she was going to ask if we were going to church on Sunday, putting us on the spot. We also worried that she would find out that our parents drank, embarrassing us. One time our parents came home from the grocery store and told us that they saw our grandmother there. My dad said, “We had a grocery cart full of beer and bread.” We nervously asked, “What did she say?” ” and dad replied, “She asked what we were going to do with all that bread.” Oh Lord.

My grandparents came over to our house one time so my grandfather 37352246-hungry-dog-with-food-bowl-hunger-and-nutritioncould help my dad work on our car. My mother was at work so my grandmother made a stew. When mom got home, she asked my grandmother what meat she used in the stew and my grandmother said she used the meat that was in the refrigerator. My mom said, “That was horse meat for the dog.” and my father said, “I thought it was awfully grainy” It didn’t bother my grandfather much because he had horse meat during “the war”. Glad I didn’t eat the stew.

When my dad and his brothers were teenagers, they were standing outside a downtown church while their parents visited with other church members.  Back then, a woman with loose morals was called a “two bit wh-re”, two bits being 25 cents. A woman they believed to be a prostitute 4726824-beautiful-young-woman-in-underwear-in-isolated-studio-settingcame walking by. My uncle said low enough for her to hear but not the adults nearby, “I gotta quaaata.” The woman stopped, came back to where he was standing and said, “If you got a quatta, you betta buy yore poor ole ma some draws.” My uncle tried to crawl under the sidewalk but it just wouldn’t open up for him. Justice was served. Guess you don’t get away with anything in front of God’s house.

My dad’s hair started turning white/silver in early adulthood so my 29058008-river-falls-wisconsin-june-11-2014-a-box-of-for-men-hair-color-gel-this-product-is-used-to-cover-gremother dyed it for him. Before we went to visit friends that my parents hadn’t seen for a while, mom dyed dad’s hair. I don’t remember how old I was but probably old enough to know better and too young to care. When we got to the people’s house, the lady told my dad his hair was still so black, not a gray hair. I said, “It oughta be, he just dyed it before we came.” Needless to say, my father could have “dyed”.

My mom went to work for an orthodontist as an assistant. She had a job before that as a dental assistant, no certification was necessary back then. 7426499-dentistShe needed practice on making teeth impressions so she took me up to her office one night and practiced on me. The goo started sliding down my throat and I felt like I was going to choke so I began to panic. My mother said, “If you spit that out, I am going to slap you!” So much for the loving mother.😝 Actually, she had never slapped me and never would, she was just very determined.

My mom is 82 and still very sharp but her eyesight is failing. She bought a12413763-vector-illustration-of-shaving-cream-on-white-background can of deodorant in the deodorant section without reading the print on the can. The next day, she decided to try her new “deodorant” but when she pressed the button, she was shocked to find shaving cream in her “pits”. It would have come in handy if she had wanted to shave her pits.

Until next time, keep a smile on your face and laughter in your voice.

 

 

Temper Tantrums Yodi

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When we won’t let Yodi out, he meows and goes from one door to the other. When we don’t respond, he jumps up on the couch intentionally to disturb anything we might have laying there (his favorite is my coloring pencils). He then uses me or Danny as a pole vault onto the back of the couch making sure to brush our face, and jumps off onto the floor. He will do this over and over until we basically put him to sleep by petting him, covering him with a throw or taking him to bed that is unless Danny gives in and tell him he can go out for 30 minutes.

Now bed, that is a different routine. When he’s ready to go to sleep, he is ready to go to sleep. He gets pissed if we leave the lights on to read or if we watch TV. He will leave the room and sulk just outside the door until the lights go off and it is quiet. If Danny and I continue to talk after we turn the lights off, he will jump up and leave the room. If he doesn’t have his blankie then he will dig the comforter and when he gets pissed for various reasons, he throws himself down on the bed dramatically. He also walks over my face and jumps off the bed, gets back on the bed and does it all over. If we don’t get up when he wants us to in the morning, he knocks things off the nightstand one at a time.

Poor Poor Yodi😿

Temper Tantrums Lyla

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Nope, I am not talking about children...well….perhaps furry children. I am talking about CATS! Who nu that cats have temper tantrums? Not me and I have had many many cats.

I told my daughter in a letter that Lyla was so sweet and well mannered that it showed how spoiled Yodi is. Then this happened:

One night Lyla slipped out after Danny assured me he was in the house for the night. I worried all night because I couldn’t find him in the house. I called him from outside but he has that cat tendency to ignore. He ended up sleeping outside all night which is not a good thing since we live in the mountains of Colorado where there are beasts such as bears that roam at night and it gets very cold.

The next night when I called him in, he was laying at the foot of the outside stairs happy as a clam. I called him and he ignored me as “His Arrogancy” has a tendency to do. I walked down to pick him up and he walked away from me and sat down a few feet away. I picked him up to carry him inside and he hissed and spit. When I put him down in the house, he threw a hissy fit. He was trying to pull the door handle down to open the door, sniffing at the cracks on all side of the doors, meowing, going to another door trying to get that door open. Yodi gave him the usual butt sniffing test and Lyla hissed at him. Danny kept telling him “No…No…No” and we laughed our asses off. It took a while but he finally settled down. He got a taste of staying out all night like he was able to do in Texas. Last night I had to go through the regular routine of calling him from the front door, then the back door leaving both doors open so he could waltz in. It didn’t take long when it started raining.

Hilarious!😂

Stuff I Ate as a Child

 

As I was preparing my breakfast of 12 grain toast with Cheez Whiz spread upon it, it made me think of some of the strange foods and food combinations I ate mostly as snacks as a child.

Unfortunately, my mother never forced me to eat vegetables. I discovered in my early twenties that I love vegetables and will eat a package of frozen cut leaf spinach for lunch or dinner by itself (of course I nuke it and add lemon and butter, spinach in a frozen state doesn’t appeal to me). I will share a few of my faves with you:

  • Cheese Whiz on Toast
  • Braunschweiger (liver pate’ comes in a plastic chub) on crackers.
  • Sugar sandwiches
  • Catsup sandwiches
  • Cheese toast
  • Fried potato sandwiches
  • Canned peas
  • Canned corn
  • Dinner rolls for breakfast
  • Mac and Cheese with catsup
  • Mashed potatoes with catsup
  • Scrambled eggs with catsup
  • Hot dogs with wieners that had been split, cheese inserted and Worchestershire Sauce poured over it.
  • Bologna sandwiches accompanied by any kind of bean
  • Bologna sandwiches, bologna sandwiches, bologna sandwiches
  • Peanut butter and syrup on bread (not my fave, my grandmother served it to us) I shudder to think of it.

I remain a catsup-a-holic to this day but not just any catsup, it has to be “Heines”. However, I no longer eat it on bread, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes or scrambled eggs. I think it was just an excuse to eat catsup.

What kinds of strange foods did you eat as a child?

 

Light Bulb Jokes

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? Its just going to burn out again anyway.

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has to really want to be changed.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. The student hold the light bulb, and the universe revolves around him.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

One hundred. One to change the bulb and 99 to write the environmental impact report.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two One to screw it in most of the way and another to give it a surprise twist at the end.

How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile…

How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb?

 One, and he gets three credits for it.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

That’s proprietary information. The answer is available from Apple on payment of license fee.

How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they’ll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining  that it was used to store cornmeal.