Excerpts from WHAT A GENIUS MARRIAGE REALLY LOOKS LIKE by Charlotte Andersen as published in Reader’s Digest. The article is based on research performed by John Gottman, PhD and his wife and research partner, Julie Gottman. I found the article to be informative and think you will too. I will be posting these in a series so keep an eye out.
MYTH: MARRIAGE SHOULD BE FAIR.
Couples who engage in quid pro quo thinking – if i scratch your back, you should scratch mine – are usually in serious trouble. John Gottman says: “We become emotional accountants only when there’s something wrong with the relationship.” He also states that quid pro quo thinking was found to be a characteristic of an ailing relationship rather than happy ones. “We’ve found in our research that the best marriages are the ones in which you are really invested in your partner’s interests, as opposed to your own. Julie Gottman says, “The happiest couples have a high level of trust, which lets them give without expecting anything in return because they know their partner has their back.
For the most part, Danny and I are good with this. Unfortunately, because we are together 24/7 we can bicker over who gives more when it comes to chores. We usually end up laughing or making jokes about it to lessen the tension. Trying to balance the scales will never work because life is never even. I believe it makes for a better person to just pitch in and get what needs to be done done. I feel really good when I do something unexpected for Danny and he shows his appreciation. A “thank you” goes a long way.