Running Away

When I hurt someone, I have difficulty coming to terms with it. How do I handle it? I run away. I think that I need to protect that person from me. I have been doing this over and over again for the past 20 years.

My intention to stop blogging was due to my feeling sure that I had hurt a friend blogger deeply with a comment. I reached out to them and haven’t heard back. Why am I telling you this? Because having done a lot of deep introspection, I have come to believe that the child in me runs away but the adult needs to face up to her transgressions. This isn’t the first time that I believe I have hurt a fellow blogger. Fortunately, I have been able to make immediate amends yet this goes very deep for both of us because we make ourselves vulnerable in our blogging.

So what is the answer? I can hope that my friend will eventually be able to confront me. Regardless, I think I need to do as I have had to do in the past and hold my head up and keep putting one foot in front of the other until the child in me can forgive herself.

To my other fellow bloggers, please know that though it has never been my intention to hurt or offend, I may have. Please understand that it is never my intention to hurt anyone. I am a compassionate person with a quick Irish temper who is very opinionated because I am a deep thinker. My take on situations is often very hard to understand but know that I have taken apart every situation and analyzed it to death. I have to look at all sides because that is my nature. I try to be fair in my assessments and have a tendency to be overly honest.

That being said, I try to help when help hasn’t been asked for. Reaching out is not always a bad thing but as I have stated before, ask first if help is desired. When I started blogging, I had no idea what direction it would take, it just happens. It has been a good tool for me to come to terms with my past. I do want to spend more time educating myself and going in a different direction with my writing. Therefore, I will be cutting back on my blogging. I will also be refraining from comments in order to take away the gifts offered in your posts without making it about me. Yes, it will be difficult for me but I have to pull up my big girl panties and learn to be courteous in my blogging.

Yes, I do know that there are bloggers who have gained from my writing as I have gained from theirs which is why I am returning to my blog. I hope you will understand.


15 thoughts on “Running Away

  1. I am so glad you are back! I’ve noticed that blogging is kind of scary for me. It’s different from journaling in that I write with the thought that someone may read it! That, in and of itself, changes what and the way I write. But, I also think it makes me learn even more about myself than journaling (if that makes sense). Being afraid to hurt or offend someone is something I think a lot of writers struggle with. I know I do! It’s hard to know how someone will perceive our experience. Sometimes, I think way too much about it, which is why I don’t post as often as I’d like!

    In any case, I am glad you are back and hope you are able to have contact with your friend again. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I, too, hope you’re able to reconcile with your fellow blogger.

    I know your heart is good, and there is a spark to all of your opinions that ignites me, sometimes in the best of ways, to reconsider my own positions on things. Your comments have always been truly valued, Patricia, so I hope you’ll reconsider your position on commenting on others’ blogs. You often share your own stories out of empathy, and it has helped me at times to know that I’m not alone in what I have written. I hate to think of your spark going silent, my friend.

    But do what you need to do to feel safe and comfortable continuing on. I’ll be holding you in my heart, and I truly hope everything resolves itself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your words are like balm to my hurting heart. Whoa, was that too poetic?πŸ™„Alyssa, I cried off and on for several days before I realized that I had done all I could do and I had to let go. They have not posted anything since. I am very worried. Of course, I have a tendency to be paranoid and their world doesn’t revolve around me but this is such a serious heart wrenching issue. They did remove my comments after my immediate apology and have not “moderated” my in-depth apology. Maybe you can at least make sure they are o.k. You have their e-mail address. I am not asking you to get involved by any means, I am just asking if you can make sure they are o.k. If I am asking too much please don’t give it another thought. Thank you for reaching out to me. As always, I love you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For what it’s worth, if you’re talking about who I think, I think that person just may be overwhelmed right now. (I am, too, so I’ve barely spoken to her lately, as we’ve both pulled back from emailing, though I’ve wondered if she’s mad at me, too, for my silence!)

        But I’m going to stay back and let her come to you, because whatever was said (and I didn’t see it, so I don’t know), it will mean more (and be more restorative) if I don’t get into the middle. In the meantime, I know she’s alive, at least! I hope that’s reassuring, and I sincerely hope everything turns out okay for everybody.

        Liked by 1 person

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