The Tears of a Woman ❣️

Although things are moving forward on behalf of women, there’s one thing that I hope changes for the generations of women to come and that is their right to express their feelings whatever they may be.

e75f70e61261afa370d84fcbf1da6be7After I exited my abusive marriage, I came to realize that I expressed my anger with tears, tears of frustration. When women verbally express their anger, they are most often called “bitches” or given some other negative label. It is acceptable for men to express their anger but not women. I believe it goes back to the generations of women who were expected to be “ladylike” and subservient. The “Catch 22” is that when we cry, our tears are labeled as self-pity. We cannot win!

Even now, strong women, or women who don’t conform to society’s expectations of femininity, are often considered to be lesbian. It is unfair to the lesbian population to be pigeonholed in such a way and unfair to women who are just being who they want to be.

It has been my experience that women supervisors were difficult to work under. They seemed to believe they had to prove that they were “just as good” as a man. They projected the image they perceived a man would project in the same position. However, their tendency was to over-compensate making it difficult to work under them. They seemed to have a need to show that they were boss and to believe that they couldn’t be friendly or have a sense of humor nor could they show compassion or have an affinity with their employees. It was as if they believed that if they showed any of said emotions, they would be seen as “typical women”. In my opinion, women are often valuable at their jobs because they have stamina, humility, compassion, and can multi-task like crazy.

Women who appear strong often are seen as being cold or a “bitch”. However, when they don’t come on strong, they are seen as “weak” or “a typical woman.” I believe that Hilary Clinton does well at being good at her job without sacrificing her womanhood. Yet, I hear negative comments from men that her voice is too strong or when she fights back. Why are those things even a factor? She tended to her e-mails from home, something a woman might do because we multi-task. We have a need to be at home with our family and take care of our family’s needs and to do our career job as well. It is seen as a weakness, yet I see it as strength. Did she do wrong? Maybe. If she made a mistake, slap her hand and move on because it was not done with an awareness that it was unacceptable. Have I come to believe in her ability to do the job as President of the United States because she is a woman? Nope, I was not in her corner when she ran previously because she was a woman and I mistakenly believed that, as a woman, she would be too emotional to do the job. What has changed? She has shown me that she can do the job, that she can be compassionate without being overly emotional. She has remained mature for the most part while other candidates have become defensive and have given in to pettiness and bickering.

Women are often seen as weak when they cry when it actually can help us to be stronger. Men most often are seen as strong because they don’t cry when it can actually make them less in command of their reactions. Crying is a relief valve for emotions and if that valve remains shut off, those emotions will build and blow at some point and in some way. When emotions have not been released at the point of impact, they will blow when they choose, not when you choose and they don’t choose the best or most appropriate time. When this happens, it is referred to as “coming out sideways”. We often don’t know or understand that the emotions are not a reaction to what is happening then but are a reaction to something we did not address in the past. If our emotions are addressed at the time of occurrence, we are better able to manage them appropriately because the negative emotion has not been building up over time.

Women’s psyches have been held back because we have not been allowed to be who we are. Rather we have been seen as “the weaker sex”. Reading this post, one might think that I was supportive of the “Women’s Liberation Movement” of my time but I wasn’t. I enjoy being a woman with all its ups and downs. There is a courtesy and respect that I grew up with in the south as a woman . As a child and young adult, the lines in my home were clearly delineated. There was no expectation of me to fix the car, mow the grass or carry up the groceries nor was my father expected to iron his own clothes, fix his own meals or clean house. I’m not sure I would want to go back to that delineation but it was what I was accustomed to. When I ventured out into the world, it was confusing to me as times changed and men expected me to do what I considered men’s jobs. However, men would not “stoop” to do what they considered to be a woman’s job.

Men of today are much more sensitive and allow their emotions to surface and I think that is a good thing. I have experienced what happens when a man considers his emotions to be a sign of weakness. That fear of showing weakness can and often will become abuse directed mostly at women. I would like to believe that a world where women and men respect each others emotions will become a “thing”. Here’s hoping🍸

2 thoughts on “The Tears of a Woman ❣️

  1. Hey Patricia! So I thought I was going to do some kind of point by point critique on your post when I had time, but the thing is, I don’t think it needs it. You’re speaking from personal experience with bosses or from your generational background here, and I can see where you’re coming from in a lot of this. Instead of foisting theory on you, I’ll just explain where I come from!

    I’m in a fairly non-traditional marriage. My husband and I BOTH work outside the home. He’s our baby’s caretaker during the day; I’m her caretaker at night. He cooks the meals, pays the rent, and does the grocery shopping. I clean the apartment, pay the utilities, and do the laundry. Mostly, that’s a new arrangement because of the baby: There was a time where we both cooked and both cleaned alongside each other. We try to always treat the division of labor equitably, and to value what one another contributes both inside and outside of the home.

    We BOTH cry, and we BOTH can have tempers. He is a sensitive professor of poetry; I am a secretary who wears pants and sneakers more often than skirts and high heels. I say all this to say, these times they are a-changin’, and to be honest, I’m glad for my daughter’s sake, because I don’t think anyone should be pigeonholed, be they male, female, transgendered, gay, straight or non-binary.

    I will say that I DO consider myself a feminist, and I DON’T think that’s mutually exclusive with “enjoying being a woman.” I’m glad I’m a woman; I just want all women to be treated like human beings, with as much variance from one to the next as any man. I think emotions are undervalued in general–for men and women–and that if we took better care of mental health and our hearts regardless of our sex/genders, we might all be a lot better off!

    (Now I’m hoping I didn’t offend you, as I’m so glad you opened up the conversation on this important topic!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No offense taken. I have always been aware that most readers are from a different generation. It has been nice that we can all cross those gaps. I learn from you and you learn from me. I realize times are changing, thank God and its tough for women like me who have one foot on each side. Do you really think there wasn’t a time when I worked and went to school full time? Danny cooked and cared for the kids. Yet I was expected to take my turn mowing the grass. Because I was new to the family, I did it maybe twice and then I put my foot down and said he could clean house. that was that. Our relationship is complicated because we are the same age and were raise one way and the world has adopted a different way. He taught his daughters to do everything from working on cars to putting together shelves but it only took with our older daughter. He expects me to help with his projects but his housekeeping is limited. He makes our flower arrangements because he is artistic. He likes to cook and does from time to time. He will rinse and stack the dishes but refuses to load the dishwasher because I complain if he doesn’t do it my way. He will not unload the dishwasher for the same reason. He washes out my coffee go cup and makes my coffee, as you know. I keep up with the bookkeeping and pay the bills but he has input. Danny is big on a couple remaining independent of each other. What does that mean? It means that we operate independently when my lack of confidence doesn’t rear its ugly head. However, we have a closed marriage and spend most of our time together. He doesn’t mind doing things by himself and I love to do things by myself. However, I love being spoiled by getting flowers, having my door opened and all the other things Danny does for me. I spoil him as well by buying treats I know he likes, preparing his favorite meals etc. We just don’t have a set division of labor. The point of my post started out to be about my discovery that women cry when they are angry and why.

      Thank you for doing this for me. I know there was a post that I did “What would you do?” that most likely offended and I have since removed it. I do write for me but I don’t like to offend.😍

      Liked by 1 person

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